When a man is in a new relationship with a woman he likes, he will do shit for her, quite happily.
So, if a women mentions that the kitchen tap is dripping, before she can say “lordy lord, I need a plumber”, he has returned from the local hardware store, new washers in hand and sets about flooding the kitchen. For what he may lack in aptitude, he certainly makes up for with enthusiasm.
When the relationship is somewhat established and she says the same thing, she may end up waiting a tad longer for Mr Fixit to materialise.
Us men luuuuuve to play the knight in shining armour for our damsels in destress. This is the chivalry story dripping out of a dodgy tap, or it could be needing a new shed, or some Ikea furniture building, or a new swimming pool dug. Whatever it is, us men will raise to the occasion if our new love interest needs some assistance.
Matty Tip: This is for all you lovely ladies out there. If you need something doing, which usually means something to be built or fixed, get yourself on Tinder, meet a man, any man will do, get him to fall for you and hey presto, within a few weeks you will be splashing around in your new swimming pool, sipping margaritas, just in time for summer.
You can also try this with your man if you are already in a long-standing relationship and ask him to help – disclaimer – he won’t.
I jest of course, obviously there are plenty of men who will quite happily do things for their partners at any time, as there are plenty of women more than capable of digging a swimming pool themselves, but the point here is asking why are us menfolk are super-keen at the honeymoon stage of a relationship to get our hands dirty?
A couple of weeks ago I wrote an article answering the age-old question: Why do men feel it necessary to have a picture of themselves holding a fish on their Tinder profile? Pondering over these fishy shenanigans must have unlocked some weird part of my brain as now I keep seeing other odd behaviors that men do, and this article is an extension of that, as I believe it’s related to the same thing. Kind of.
To answer this we need to have a look at what motivates a man in the first place with anything to do with women.
From the first initial contact to the asking out on a date, to the expectations of said date, through to all of the social norms, nuances, and courtship behaviors, virtually everything is geared around the man impressing the woman.
But why is this and not the other way around?
Many men carry a deep-rooted fear of rejection, and there is nothing we fear more than that of the fairer sex. This stems back to the man’s fear of rejection from the matriarchy. As a possible future intimate and romantic interest and that of his own mother, both share the same feminine energy.
It is the female who is the gatekeeper to reproductive success. She does this by deciding whom she wants to mate with by choosing a partner who she feels gives the better genes and who is better suited to her needs, through his abilities, strength, providing skills, status, etc, out of the different choices afforded to her. This decision is based on lots of different factors depending on the species, but, ultimately, in most cases throughout nature, it is the female who makes this decision. It is, therefore, the man who has to ‘display’ himself to her, and by doing so is opening himself up to scrutiny and judgment by his chosen perspective partner, and if all doesn’t go well for him, rejection ensures.
Because of this, to a man, the female is not just a female but is looked upon as the judgemental ideal. And hence all the fear that many men have regarding their personal relationships with the opposite sex.
For some men, this fear is real, very real. Studies have shown that for particularly young men and older men from a lower social-economic background, this fear can be paralysing. Young men because they have yet to mature enough to become comfortable on their own without needing anyone, and men from a lower social-economic background because any rejection from a woman who they perceive as better than themselves, or the old chestnut, ‘out of their league’ simply reinforces the common negative self-belief, that they are losers.
So for a man to ask a woman out, he has to be judged.
It is interesting to note, that for a man, his fear of rejection is a direct coloration to how much he likes her, hence all the dithering about and plucking up the courage to ask her first out on a date. He is basically positioning himself in a situation where there is an extremely high probability of rejection at worse, or ‘friend-zoned’ at best, which is basically saying “I don’t mind your physical presence, but your genes can go elsewhere”.
This fear continues within the early stages of the relationship, as the man changes his outward projection from the judgemental ideal to actually getting to know the woman as an individual person. Because of this, all of the Peacocking around and putting up shelves is a way of reinforcing to the female that he is still the one worth hanging around with. Alas, when the transition from judgemental ideal to the individual woman is complete, he no longer feels the drive, or excitement, in wandering around the local hardware store at a moment’s notice.